Let’s face it — almost everyone wants to be friends with the characters of New Girl. Not only would we get to have Jess as our own personal cheerleader, Nick as our grouchy dad, Coach as our personal trainer, Winston as our quirky-weird BFF, and Schmidt as our douchey-but-loveable friend — we would also get to hang out with Ferguson the cat.
While the residents of apartment 4D definitely get into their fair share of absurd situations and mini-disasters, there are certain moments and episodes where we feel that we could truly make a great addition to the house. Here are 16 times that we seriously wished we could live with the New Girl gang.
1. When they played the True American drinking game
If you’re not familiar with the True American Drinking Game, it’s one of the best moments in New Girl history. It’s an extremely complex drinking game involving tons of nonsensical rules, tricks and — of course — alcohol. While the show doesn’t explicitly explain how to play this game, we know a few of the rules. For example, if one of the players shouts “JFK” everyone else has to shout “FDR,” and that there’s a “castle” of beer cans and a bottle of liquor in the center is the “king.” If you’re interested, someone made actual playable rule for the game but it’s not quite canon.
2. When they implemented the douchebag jar
This is an incredible system that should definitely be implemented into more households around the U.S. and worldwide. If you’re not aware, the New Girl gang introduced the idea of a “douchebag jar” for one of their douchier housemates, Schmidt. Every time Schmidt says or does anything remotely annoying, rude, selfish (you get it — douchey), he has to put a dollar in a jar labeled “douchebag jar.” Not only is this hilarious, it would honestly be a great way to combat some of the more bothersome things that your roommates do.
3. When they partied hard at all hours
Jess is usually the type to follow the straight and narrow. She’s a teacher, she loves cardigans with polka dots, and she’s almost the opposite of a party girl. Every now and then, however, she knows how to let loose and have a drink or two (or eight). The best part of this clip is that out of all the housemates, Jess is pretty much the one who has her life together, but in this episode, she was recently unemployed. We’re just saying, how fun would it be to have someone like Jess to get through the tough stuff with? Maybe not by drinking at 11, but you get it.
4. When Winston showed off his musical side
This was a great episode because it focused a whole lot on Winston, arguably the most incredible of the New Girl housemates. We got to see Winston’s weirdly competitive side when he joins the bells ensemble that Jess has started with a few of her students. He’s instantly a natural and takes the whole thing way too far by being a crazy perfectionist and berating the children. At the end of the day, Jess calls him out and he apologizes, ending the episode with a beautiful performance from the ensemble. Who wouldn’t want to engage in wholesome activities with Winston and Jess every day?
5. When they helped Jess with a difficult move
This episode of New Girl was the first time we really got to see the housemates start to bond. Since it’s only the second episode, they were hardly friends at this point in the show. When Jess has to go back to her gross, cheating ex’s house to pick up all her stuff, Nick and Schmidt step up to the plate to help her grab her things. Initially, she lets her ex walk all over her, but with a little bit of encouragement from Nick, she’s able to get angry and stand up for herself. Nick winds up fighting him in the end, and let’s be real — who hasn’t dreamt about getting sweet revenge on our worst exes?
6. When Julius Pepperwood risked it all to protect jess
In one of the more absurd episodes of New Girl, Nick explores his new alter ego, Julius Pepperwood. When Jess has a kind of creepy student, Edgar, who writes disturbing stories that seem to involve Jess, Nick decides to throw on a trucker hat, some aviators and go undercover. He sits in on the writing class as Julius Pepperwood, “ex-cop, ex-marine.” While Jess is super annoyed by Nick’s less-than-subtle interference, it’s honestly pretty heartwarming how concerned he is for her. We all need a Julius Pepperwood in our lives, TBH.
7. When we realized how similar we are to Nick
This New Girl episode hit a little too close to home. When the gang realizes the absurd amount of Chinese food menus that are taking up space in their apartment, some of Nick’s less flattering eating habits come to light. As he shovels Chinese food into his mouth, Coach warns him that he should be a little more concerned about his physical health. Nick basically spends the entire episode avoiding exercising with Coach at all costs, while trying to find a way to get more Chinese food delivered to the apartment. We’ve all been there. Relatable.
8. When they added a new roommate to the mix
Hands-down the best relationship on all of New Girl is that of Winston and his cat, Ferguson. The two are inseparable — and Winston treats him pretty much exactly like a human being. It gets to the point where he eats with Ferguson, sings songs for him, and goes on a lot of bizarre adventures with him. The housemates begin to genuinely worry about the newly-single Winston and his feline friend. He even ends up hooking up with an equally-crazy cat lady, after the two try to set their cats up on a date. Living with Winston and Ferguson sounds like a riot and we’d probably enjoy it.
9. When they celebrated a very unconventional thanksgiving
In just one of the many, excellent Thanksgiving episodes of New Girl, Nick decides to take the gang for a pretty unusual Thanksgiving in the wilderness. It all starts when Coach accuses Nick of becoming lazy and “soft” after dating Jess for too long. To prove that he hasn’t gone soft (and because, at times, Nick is a totally overdramatic nutjob), he forces all of his friends to undergo a survivalist-style Thanksgiving in the woods. Fun! However, this episode just shows that there’s never a dull moment with the housemates, so we’re still totally down.
10. When Schmidt helped Jess with her love life
This New Girl episode was so soul-crushingly relatable. It basically involved Schmidt (like a true pal and housemate) trying to help Jess get her love life back on track. So, he signs her up for a dating app called “Dice,” which is ~eerily~ similar to Tinder, and sets her up for ten dates in one day. The best part of this episode is that Schmidt actually has a pretty clear understanding of what dating is like for girls. When rattling off various traits to avoid in men, Schmidt reminds her that no matter what — they’re all perverts. Don’t we all need that kind of truth in our lives?
11. When they indulged their gross eating habits
In what is possibly the greatest moments in New Girl history, Nick eats a burrito in one of the most disgusting manners possible. When their temporary, super-hot roommate Reagan (played by Megan Fox) moves in, Nick tries his absolute hardest to hide his gross habits from her. So, he starts eating in Cece and Schmidt’s bedroom to hide the shameful display of his eating. Imagine a sick, old dog eating a burrito. It’s pretty much what Nick looks (and sounds) like, but honestly — who doesn’t look less-than-attractive while scarfing down a burrito. We wouldn’t judge, Nick.
12. When Nick decided to try out his green thumb
In one of Nick’s more-memorable breakdowns, he attempts to fill the temporary emptiness in his life with a tomato garden. While the rest of the housemates are out dealing with their tumultuous love lives, Nick looks for meaning in his gardening — with little to no success. Every time he tries to water the tomatoes, he crushes them. He essentially gives up in a final fit of rage, which involves him brutally beating up his homemade scarecrow. In a wholesome twist at the end, Winston tries gluing a tomato onto one of the plants, to make Nick think his garden was taking off. Which is actually really sweet.
13. When they became Michael Keaton
In what was definitely one of the weirdest New Girl subplots, we find out that Schmidt has a childhood pen pal — Michael Keaton. It all started when Schmidt was a little boy. Whenever he was going through a tough time, his mom would write him letters and say they were from Michael Keaton, his childhood hero (v random, we know). Once he went off to college, Schmidt’s mother asked Nick to take over as Keaton. Nick obliges but slowly stopped needing to write them as Schmidt adjusted. That is until this episode when he has to bring back Schmidt’s old friend. The best part is probably watching Nick drink whiskey with a Batman mask on to try and get into character.
14. When they help Schmidt defeat a spider
This episode of New Girl displayed one of the truest horrors of living on your own as an adult: spiders. Throughout the entire episode, Schmidt is on a never-ending quest to find and defeat a spider he sees in the apartment before it disappears. While the episode does derail into multiple conflicts amongst the roommates, watching them all split up throughout the apartment to defeat a spider shows why they would be excellent roommates.
15. When they start a new business
With Schmidt’s bachelor party coming up, Nick has to think of a way to pay for the whole thing. So, naturally, he decides to turn the loft into an Airbnb to get some temporary cash. This is the first episode to air without Zooey Deschanel, who briefly left the show due to her pregnancy, so it’s safe to say there was a lot riding on this ep.
One of the Airbnb guests is played by Fred Armisen, who shows up to get some peace and quiet while he writes his novel. While the episode gets super-bizarre (with Armisen dressing like Jess, and starting to act like her), it just shows how far Nick’s willing to go to help out a friend.
16. When they seriously addressed their romantic pasts
And finally, in another episode where New Girl hits almost a little too close to home, the housemates of 4D recount the stories of how they lost their virginities.While it may have been hard to watch, this episode was so great because pretty much every person’s story was a total disaster (except for Cece, of course). While they all realize that these horror stories are probably why they have such troubled love lives, (spoiler!) the episode ends with Nick and Jess finally getting together. While it might be messy, we wouldn’t be opposed to finding love with an awesome housemate.