This summer is, apparently, the summer of love in Hollywood. Over the past couple of months, surprise engagements are popping up everywhere — and the craziest thing about it is that these celebrity couples who are making it official have only been together for a matter of months or even weeks before they’re deciding to spend the rest of their lives together. Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson already have matching tattoos, and Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra didn’t even confirm their relationship publicly before the engagement rumors started. And don’t even get us started on Hailey Baldwin and Justin Bieber.
However, the one thing that all these couples have in common (besides their relationships moving at warp speed) is the fact that they all seem ridiculously happy. It’s enough to make you wonder if they know something the rest of us don’t. Is taking your time in a relationship overrated? If you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, should you start planning your wedding ASAP? Not necessarily.
According to experts, moving too fast in your relationship is a recipe for disaster, mostly because you end up making promises to someone before you even know enough about them to know if those promises are realistic or not — and that can end up leading to your relationship coming to an earlier end than if you had taken it slow from the beginning.
“Sometimes people connect with another person quickly and feel so relieved that they’re not alone that they rush to make it more permanent,” psychologist Ryan Howes told The Huffington Post. “But the fear of being alone can gloss over many shortcomings in a relationship and lead to disappointment later on.” Let’s admit it – many of us can recall being in early stages of a relationship and being convinced we’ve found “the one” before reality sets in and it all crashes down.
So how long should you date before getting married? Obviously, there’s no magic number, because all people are different, and it’s mostly about doing what feels right to you. But a study done by researchers at Emory University discovered that couples who dated three or more years before getting married were 39 percent more likely to stay together, and that makes a lot of sense. The more kinks you can work out before marriage, the better — and the longer you date, the more opportunities you have to discover that this relationship might not be something you want to keep doing ’til death do you part. It’s way better to break up than to end up getting a divorce, right? At the very least, it’s less expensive.
“There are no hard and fast rules,” therapist John Amodeo told Verily Magazine. “But I must admit that I feel nervous when I hear about people getting married within a year (or even two) of meeting. It might work out okay if they are exceptionally well-matched and mature. But it takes time to know a person and time to see each other’s darker side and know how each of their ‘shadow’ sides will interact with each other.”
It’s easy to understand why someone would want to rush into getting engaged. It’s exciting to feel the kind of love that you think lasts forever and to have a pretty ring you can show off to your friends and family. There’s nothing like the early stages of a relationship, when you and your S/O are totally obsessed with each other.
It’s even easier to understand why celebrities would want to rush into getting engaged. In an industry known for being shallow, it’s a relief to find someone with whom you share a deeper connection, someone who you think loves you for you, and won’t let the craziness of Hollywood come between the partnership. As a source told Us Weekly, Justin’s reasoning for getting down on one knee was because he “needed” it. “You become muted to that fame. He finally feels somewhat normal and it’s a right time for him to settle down with one person,” the insider stated. Plus, of course, for the celebrities we’re talking about here, money is no option.
The honeymoon period is real, but it’s not necessarily an indicator for the way your long-term relationship or marriage with this person will go. It takes time to get to know each other, and you want to be able to have as much information about this person as you can before you commit to spending the rest of your life with them. Besides, if you know you want to spend the rest of your life together, there’s no need to rush. Dating can be fun, too, and it’ll give you the time and space you need to make a logical decision about whether or not this is someone you want to marry. A whirlwind engagement can be romantic, but what’s even more romantic? Knowing that you and your S/O made the conscious decision to choose each other every day because you know (almost) everything about each other. It doesn’t get much better than that.